If your relationship faces tough challenges brought on you by Facebook or other social networking sites, know that you are not alone. Divorce lawyers have noticed new trend about a few years ago – more often than not, Facebook is brought as a source of evidence in divorce cases.
Typically the evidence would include one or several of the following:
- inappropriate photos posted by partners themselves,
- inappropriate photos of partners posted by other people,
- change in relationship status from “married” or “in relationship” to “single”,
- updating “interested in” part, like “interested in women”,
- reconnecting with previous partners on Facebook,
- making new friends on Facebook – potential for new romantic relationship,
- inappropriate comments by partners on others’ photos or status updates,
- inappropriate comments by others on partners’ walls and, perhaps, inappropriate reactions by partners themselves.
As you see, the potential for trouble is huge. But why is that, really? Is that Facebook’s fault and would we be better off not using it at all?
Well, while you definitely could be better off without Facebook, Facebook cannot be blamed when your partner is misbehaving. Here is the thing: he is who he is. Facebook only makes it easier to see his reality, but it doesn’t change him as a person. The only difference is that you probably would have not known without Facebook.
Here is what Facebook’s spokesperson said:
It’s ridiculous to suggest that Facebook leads to divorce. Whether you’re breaking up or just getting together, Facebook is just a way to communicate, like letters, phone calls and emails. Facebook doesn’t cause divorces, people do.
Makes sense. If somebody has no sufficient emotional maturity to communicate with people on Facebook, they shouldn’t use it. And still… According to some statistics a third of all divorce filings contained the word “Facebook” in 2011 and the trend is not about to head down.
Are you stalking on Facebook?
What are you going to do with this information is up to you to decide, but one thing you should take care of is your own peace of mind. Some women easily become paranoid stalking their partners or men they are interested in on Facebook. This isn’t healthy and isn’t attractive at all.
When relationship is healthy you will not stalk him and if you do, it’s a sure sign that something is wrong. If you have doubts you either should talk to your partner openly about whatever is disturbing you or, even better, seek for professional help.
Facebook addiction and obsession with following your partner’s every move on Facebook are a painful reality and most professional counselors have seen many cases like this. It might be hard to acknowledge this to yourself, but we know many of you are doing that. It might take a huge effort but you need to control yourself here. If you want to have a healthy relationship you should behave like a healthy person.
Facebook is an awesome way to keep in touch with your friends, particularly those who no longer live in the same city or even country. However, it’s possible to lose friends if you aren’t careful about what you are posting on your Facebook wall and what pages you are liking.
Facebook has rather complicated privacy settings, which you should be using, however there were bugs and security leaks; sometimes things do not always work the way you would expect them to. Although you may be posting “private” to closed circle of friends it’s probably better not to post anything sensitive, because there is always a possibility of a bug betraying your sensitive information.
Another thing to keep in mind is that Facebook has a complicated algorithm which “decides” what your friends will see. Oftentimes you may be sharing a link or posting an update but your friends will not see it. You might get upset with your friends for not interacting with you when they haven’t seen anything. Only Facebook knows how this algorithm works and you should know that part of your updates, shares and likes will not appear in your friends news stream.
Facebook is just a tool to communicate with other people and cannot be blamed for your relationship problems. It cannot ruin your relationship, but if you or your partner aren’t careful it can certainly speed up your breakup.